It’s August pretty much everywhere, that time of year when people who are not Miley Cyrus or Brad Pitt turn to Instagram to show their four real friends and forty thousand fake followers that they have been to a beach, because in the ten thousand years of history of homo sapiens on the planet no homo sapiens has ever been to a beach before.
But this summer, it turns out that Patron Saint of the Unholy Twerk herself, Miley Cyrus, has eschewed the mythic Greek isle for some lake up in northern Italy. And not just any lake: Lake Como, apparently.
The same lake where aging, trophy wife-clutching actor George Clooney lives behind a very tall row of hedges. Coincidence? Probably not. Talented and oddball Miley has just split with aggravatingly faux-lilywhite Aussie Liam Hemsworth. While Clooney does not self-identify as queer like Cyrus does, we know that he is one of the queerest characters out there.
This cannot be a coincidence. True, it’s possible that Miley has holed up at the luxe Villa d’Este or another posh lakeside bolthole — where incidentally the sun shines for about 14 minutes per year — and it’s possible that Clooney is off shooting a movie on the other side of the world that eventually nine people will see in theaters, but what we’re tryna say is, come on people. No celebrity goes to Lake Como with paying obeisance to the resident queen, George Clooney.